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Word on the Streets

Coming up on ten years!
Admin CavemanJoe2018-01-20 17:53:32
Hey, folks. Improbable Island turns ten years old in February, so I'm taking a week off my day job to work exclusively on the Island. I'm making some cool new things that I hope you'll enjoy.

Later on this year we're gonna try to make it so that you can log in to one account that contains all your characters, so we can move towards legitimizing alts (which have always been in a sort of weird grey area, policies-wise). You'll log in with your email address and then choose from a list of characters to use, and we'll even have a quick way to swap between them. The first step in this process is to get everyone's email address, so if you haven't already given us an email for you, now would be a great time to do it. See your Prefences page, available from any Outpost. You'll also (optionally) get email notifications when someone sends you a Distraction.

The online contestant list is down while I sort some shit out, there's no need to petition about it.

We're gonna do a ridiculous bundle deal for our tenth anniversary, and following a conversation in Chat yesterday, Jon made this form to help decide how much we should ask for it. In our 10-year history we've never asked more than $30 for any one item (which was the 30 Bundle, which was when I turned 30, half a decade ago), so it's unlikely it'll be more than that, but data is good to have anyway. Bear in mind the contents of the bundle are just me chucking ideas around and are subject to change. Your input is very much appreciated, and it's only one question.

I'm gonna get back to programming awesome stuff for celebrating ten years of the Island. See you all in a couple of weeks, and have fun!

~CMJ


News since the last new Game Day (Items 1 - 50 of 221)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Vlad has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Contestant Ellis- has been defeated in the jungle by Fire Truck Full of Fire Ants.
A Fire Truck Full of Fire Ants limps home to its mate and little baby Fire Truck Full of Fire Antss, waving off their concerns. "No," it says in its booming Fire Truck Full of Fire Ants voice, "let me tell you about the horrid creature I fought. A Contestant Ellis- -- sniveling, slinking, thirteen feet long, with flaccid, gummy, pulsating loathing in place of a soul..."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Vlad has been defeated in the jungle by Mathematician.
A troop of baby Mathematicians gambol and frolic around Vlad's partially eviscerated body. Unhappily for him, he is still quite conscious. "This is just brilliant," he groans through hazy pain and excited chirrups. "Effin' brilliant."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Xav has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Xav has been defeated in the wild by Immortal Slasher Villain.
"In my esteemed OPINION, certain SHRINKING DAISIES should return to NEWHOME for a REFRESHER COURSE if they find their good self UNDULY TAXED by a MERE Immortal Slasher Villain," Corporal Punishment roars, spittle flying.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Corporal Buttler has defeated his master, Vitoleone to advance to level 11 after 8 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Corporal Buttler was hunted down by their master, Vitoleone, for being truant.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ellis- has earned the title Contestant for having defeated the Improbability Drive 1 time!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ellis- has destroyed the Improbability Drive. The shockwave was felt, and celebrated, all across the island!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Contender Blerg has defeated his master, Will Thompson to advance to level 8 after 11 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Contender Blerg was hunted down by their master, Will Thompson, for being truant.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torvus has been defeated in the jungle by Savage Copy Cat.
A Mutant sits with Torvus on the FailBoat. He gazes at him for inspiration, then writes, reading aloud, "The lurid wash of unexpected defeat tenderly caresses my sphincter with the gnarled monkey's paw of... no, I suppose that doesn't scan, does it."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torvus has defeated his master, Effie to advance to level 13 after 11 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Baargo has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torvus has defeated his master, Devvo to advance to level 12 after 11 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torvus has defeated his master, Vitoleone to advance to level 11 after 11 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torvus has defeated his master, Clairvius to advance to level 10 after 11 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ppprn has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Ppprn has been defeated in the jungle by British Bedstead Man.
A camera zooms in on Ppprn as he sways on his feet, bleeding freely. "I think," he says, "I am beginning to rethink the wisdom of this Rank."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torvus has defeated his master, Emma Blackman to advance to level 9 after 11 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torvus has defeated his master, Will Thompson to advance to level 8 after 11 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Torvus has defeated his master, ADDIE to advance to level 7 after 11 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lieutenant Xenethra has been defeated in the jungle by Anti-Busker.
"No, Mister Bond, I expect you to FAIL!" giggles The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lieutenant Xenethra has been defeated in the jungle by Plastic Shopping Bag.
"Look at the way that silly contestant handles her Spork," laughs The Watcher. "I've seen milkmen fight better than that!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lieutenant Xenethra has been defeated in the jungle by A Pile of Uncooked Meat.
"But... but I just put on my Nudity," Lieutenant Xenethra whimpers as she is dragged off to the FailBoat.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lieutenant Xenethra has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Torvus has defeated his master, Amir to advance to level 6 after 11 days!!
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Torvus has defeated his master, Tiffny Figg to advance to level 5 after 11 days!!
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Torvus was hunted down by their master, Tiffny Figg, for being truant.
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Lieutenant Xenethra has been defeated in the jungle by Old Crippled Beggar.
Later, leaning in the parlour doorway, Julia will make come-hither eyes at Lieutenant Xenethra in Squat Hole. Lieutenant Xenethra will perk up and her step will bounce a little higher, flattered, as she hurries over. Then Julia will pause, expression changing. "Oh," she'll say. "Y're th'one tha' got trounced by a Old Crippled Beggar, innitchee. No, no. Y'll be bad for business, mate. Gerroff wi' yin."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lieutenant Xenethra has been defeated in the jungle by Thoughtless Litter.
Two children play in front of the telly as Improbable Island goes to commercial. "You be Lieutenant Xenethra and I'll be the Thoughtless Litter," the older one declares. The younger screws up his face. "Mooom," he calls, nasal, "Paul's making me be stupid Lieutenant Xenethra
again and I always have to be Lieutenant Xenethra!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lieutenant Xenethra has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Lieutenant Xenethra has been defeated in the jungle by Network Sponsor.
"Pfft," says The Watcher. "Is nobody equipped to take out that damned Improbability Drive?"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private SaffronBurke has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private SaffronBurke has been defeated in the jungle by Malignant Mongol Hordette.
"I paid how much for my Kevlar-Armoured Biker Gear?" Private SaffronBurke groans as a squadron of hand vacuums pass by overhead, flying in fight formation.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Evolution's Greatest Failure.
"In my esteemed OPINION, certain SHRINKING DAISIES should return to NEWHOME for a REFRESHER COURSE if they find their good self UNDULY TAXED by a MERE Evolution's Greatest Failure," Corporal Punishment roars, spittle flying.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been defeated in the jungle by Uranium Man.
A Mutant perches on the railing of the FailBoat with a tattered journal. "O Aeclides! Coruscating light of my iridescent loins, thy every defeat sends a shiver unto me with the variegated sheen of limpid petrol..."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Transcendent Almighty Emperor of Improbability with Holy Cheese and a Side of Badass Fries shipsWithWheels has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Broken Television.
A Network intern carefully splices footage of Aeclides together for a Greatest Clips special -- Aeclides trapped in the stocks and being lashed with a Budget Horse Tail, Aeclides thrashing hip-deep in the Skronky Pot, Aeclides weeping helplessly before a Broken Television...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Broken Television.
"No, Mister Bond, I expect you to FAIL!" giggles The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The semiconscious body of Transcendent Almighty Emperor of Improbability with Holy Cheese and a Side of Badass Fries shipsWithWheels was found naked, drooling and gibbering in an empty clearing.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by [citation needed].
"You're doo-ing it wro-ong," sings The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been defeated in the jungle by Metamorphic Mess.
Hundreds of fluttering National Geographics cluster around the mangled body of Aeclides in a peaceful jungle clearing.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private SaffronBurke has defeated her master, Anne Bassett to advance to level 15 after 42 days!!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private SaffronBurke was hunted down by their master, Anne Bassett, for being truant.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Aeclides has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Aeclides has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by The Deck.
Victoria Badcrumble, an ancient schoolteacher with pendulous breasts and a pinched mouth, looks up from a pile of ungraded spelling tests as Improbable Island comes back from commercial. " Aeclides!" she exclaims. "Wretched little snot, I always knew he'd come to no good."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
bobbarker has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Current game time:
11:15 pm

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