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Petition ID 287: Typos: "` Watcher" in DK screen
Submitted Fri, 02 Dec 11 23:30:32 +0000

When you have just killed the Improbability Drive, on the screen where you chose your race, there's the mysterious disappearance of "$The" from "The Watcher" cropping up again. Here's a copypasta (plaintext):


"Long story short," she says, making herself comfortable. "Because like I say, I really don't have time for this." She points to the wooden fort. "That's an outpost." She points to the jungle. "That's the Jungle." She points to herself. "I am ` Watcher." She points down at you. "You are a plonker. No, really, I mean it. You're clearly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. Sorry to belabour the point, but it's important that we get the Watcher-Plonker relationship established properly, straight away. Otherwise you might get ideas."

You stare up at her accusing finger. "What?"

She presses gently on your nose. "Case in point. Don't ask questions, and don't piss me off today, and you'll be fine."

You frown. "What do you mean, I'll be fine? I can't even remember how I got here!"

` Watcher smiles. "Oh, they must have drugged you up something awful, poor thing." She looks down at her watch. "Okay, I'll give you a run-down but I've gotta make this really, really quick, now. Don't interrupt."

She takes a deep breath. Then she talks very quickly.

"You've been drafted into a war against a machine called the Improbability Drive. It lives somewhere in the jungle, over there. Improbability is leaking out of this bloody thing like radiation, so we've got to blow it up. The whole war is being televised, you've noticed the cameras already, so try not to do anything stupid while the world watches. Your head hurts because the guys who burst into your living room with sticks and a great big sack probably hit you a bit too hard, and you might have landed badly when they tossed you out of the plane. You survived the fall without a parachute because of the Improbability Bubble surrounding the island, which makes the air notably denser about forty feet above sea level. You're naked and unarmed because everything that penetrates the Improbability Bubble gets changed in rather amusing ways, and we didn't want to take that risk. There's blood on my boots because I came across some monsters on the way over here - yes, monsters, stop gawping, you'll get used to them - and you'll either pick up the rest as you go along, or you'll die in a very entertaining fashion." She smiles. "Either way, it'll make for great television."

You open your mouth to ask ` Watcher what the hell she's blithering on about, but your words are drowned out by the roar of a passing jet plane and an accompanying female scream.

` Watcher looks up, just in time to see a naked woman make a very undignified landing in a tree, folding herself neatly over a branch. ` Watcher grins. "I love it when they land with their arses poking out like that. It makes me feel better about my job." She stares for a moment, head cocked to the side. "And my arse, too, come to think of it."

She takes hold of your hand and yanks you to your feet. "Go through the gate over there. The bloke guarding it is trained to recognise naked newbies like you, and sort out the forms and the implants."

"Wait a minute, "implants?" What?" you ask, even more scared now than you were two seconds ago.

"What did I tell you about questions? There are other people waiting. Come on, off you go." She takes you by the shoulders, swivels you towards the gate, and gives you a firm slap on your behind. You see no other choice but to start walking.

"You there!" calls ` Watcher behind you. "Yes, you, with the cellulite! You're in a tree because you've just been thrown out of an aeroplane! You've got to blow up an insane, reality-warping machine before we'll let you go home! You're naked because it's funnier that way! You desperately need a bikini wax, and you can buy weapons in that outpost over there! Stop crying, you're on television!"

That's six instances of "` Watcher" needing to be turned into The Watcher. (I didn't spot any in the rest of the page, but someone else may well find some.)


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