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Word on the Streets

Monthly Memento for August is up
Admin CavemanJoe2015-08-04 03:15:48
Hey folks, the Monthly Memento was late this month because I was working a bunch of 16-hour days being a pinball tech for the ReplayFX festival, so the bonus this month is the Late Pinball. It's a pinball, and it turns up late. That is its purpose in life.

Have fun!

-CMJ


News since the last new Game Day (Items 1 - 50 of 126)
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Applesauce Lain has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Applesauce Lain has been slain while travelling by Titan.
"The next time I find a Titan, do you know what I'm going to do to it?" Applesauce Lain raves as she is dragged into a FailBoat-bound rowboat. "I'm going to stuff it full of Improbability Bombs and beat it to death with its own goddamn Stinging Limpets!"
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Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath has been defeated in the jungle by Filthy Thieving Squat.
"Shoo! Hsst! Scat!" Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath weakly urges the KittyMorph rolling on his sucking chest wound.
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Trusty Patches has been defeated in the jungle by Towel-less Hitchhiker.
Trusty Patches peeks from behind his fingers as a Towel-less Hitchhiker viciously shakes his Cotton Pyjamas. "That's.. that's new -- no! No, don't do --" The Towel-less Hitchhiker drops the Cotton Pyjamas and snatches for Trusty Patches's Butter Knife. There's an audible crunch as the Butter Knife disappears into the Towel-less Hitchhiker's Improbable maw. "That," he says, slumping.
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Kwique has defeated her master, Emma Blackman to advance to level 9 after 30 days!!
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Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath has been defeated in the jungle by Tour Guide.
A Human contestant throws a comradely arm around Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath's bruised shoulders. "Listen, sug," she says, "if you're havin' problems with Tour Guides, of all things, you're in for a hell of a ride when you hunt down the Drive. Y'gotta practice with that Double-Barrelled Cat Launcher of yours."
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Civilian Autofail has challenged their master, Tiffny Figg and lost!
Civilian Autofail stares at his hand as a Tiffny Figg playfully bats it around. First it's a vinyl record, then it's a serving of saag paneer, then a telegraph, then it's Civilian Autofail's disembodied hand again, with struggling mice for fingernails. "I- I need that back..."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Civilian Autofail was hunted down by their master, Tiffny Figg, for being truant.
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Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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jellywheels has been defeated in the wild by Ravening Bugblatter Beast of Aaaaaaaaarrrgh.
A Network intern carefully splices footage of jellywheels together for a Greatest Clips special -- jellywheels trapped in the stocks and being lashed with a Budget Horse Tail, jellywheels thrashing hip-deep in the Skronky Pot, jellywheels weeping helplessly before a Ravening Bugblatter Beast of Aaaaaaaaarrrgh...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath has been defeated in the jungle by Zombie Kitten.
Marie Cruplebottom, president of the local Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath
Fancier Association, peeps from behind a pillow and a bowl of popcorn. "No, no, no, no -- ohhh, no, please don't -- please don't cry, oh, I would save you if I could, I'm sorry Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath snoogums..."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath has been defeated in the jungle by Duck & Penguin in Spats.
A band of Squats go scuttling by with Veteran Stand-Up Lippy McGrath's limp body held inches above their tiny, dandruff-riddled heads.
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Applesauce Lain has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Trusty Patches has defeated his master, Felicia to advance to level 3 after 3 days!!
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Applesauce Lain has been slain while travelling by Titan.
A Mutant sits with Applesauce Lain on the FailBoat. He gazes at her for inspiration, then writes, reading aloud, "The lurid wash of unexpected defeat tenderly caresses my sphincter with the gnarled monkey's paw of... no, I suppose that doesn't scan, does it."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Applesauce Lain has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Applesauce Lain has been slain while travelling by Titan.
"The next time I find a Titan, do you know what I'm going to do to it?" Applesauce Lain raves as she is dragged into a FailBoat-bound rowboat. "I'm going to stuff it full of Improbability Bombs and beat it to death with its own goddamn Stinging Limpets!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Jacel has been defeated in the jungle by Admiral Flufferson.
A Mutant perches on the railing of the FailBoat with a tattered journal. "O Jacel! Coruscating light of my iridescent loins, thy every defeat sends a shiver unto me with the variegated sheen of limpid petrol..."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Davlar has been defeated in the wild by Droog.
Corporal Punishment leans over Davlar. Tendons in his neck positively bulge as he shouts. "On your FEET, conTEStant, one mustn't be DAUNTED by an EMPTIED HEALTH GAUGE -- it could be much WORSE, you could forced to RESUME the GAME from LEVEL ONE, not unlike playing the role of a PLUMBER without adequate SAVE CREDITS in a certain CLASSIC VIDEO GAME!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private squidly won 136 Requisition after rolling 3 sixes in the Raven Inn.
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Private Archus has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Private Archus has been defeated in the jungle by Dangerous Head-Up Display.
A Dangerous Head-Up Display lingers close to an unconscious Private Archus, poking him repeatedly in the cheek with its psychosis.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private Archus has been defeated in the jungle by Your Past Self.
"The thing about failure" says The Watcher thoughtfully, "is that it happens to you when you least expect it. Or all the time, whatever."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Davlar has defeated his master, Reventlov to advance to level 14 after 44 days!!
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The semiconscious body of Mitchwa was found naked, drooling and gibbering in an empty clearing.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Mandy has challenged their master, Will Thompson and lost!
Victoria Badcrumble, an ancient schoolteacher with pendulous breasts and a pinched mouth, looks up from a pile of ungraded spelling tests as Improbable Island comes back from commercial. " Mandy!" she exclaims. "Wretched little snot, I always knew she'd come to no good."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
jellywheels has been defeated in the wild by Big Business.
The Watcher checks jellywheels's pulse and shakes her head. "Bloody bunch of incompetents, all of them."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private Archus has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private Archus has been defeated in the jungle by Other You.
A troop of baby Other Yous gambol and frolic around Private Archus's partially eviscerated body. Unhappily for him, he is still quite conscious. "This is just brilliant," he groans through hazy pain and excited chirrups. "Effin' brilliant."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Major Badass WideningEarth has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Major Badass WideningEarth has been defeated in the jungle by Squat from the Train Station.
"But... but I just put on my Force Generator," Major Badass WideningEarth whimpers as she is dragged off to the FailBoat.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Mitchwa has challenged their master, Felicia and lost!
"If I had a cigarette for every time a Felicia knocked me out with its rotting fists," Mitchwa groans before he spits out a tooth.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Mitchwa was hunted down by their master, Felicia, for being truant.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private Archus has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Private Archus has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Dali the Four-Clawed Lobster.
"You're doo-ing it wro-ong," sings The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private Archus has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Contestant Trapped In A Large Fish.
A Contestant Trapped In A Large Fish limps home to its mate and little baby Contestant Trapped In A Large Fishs, waving off their concerns. "No," it says in its booming Contestant Trapped In A Large Fish voice, "let me tell you about the horrid creature I fought. A Private Archus -- sniveling, slinking, thirteen feet long, with flaccid, gummy, pulsating loathing in place of a soul..."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Private Archus has been defeated in the jungle by Malevolent Paradox.
"Yikes" says The Watcher. "That absurdity really did a number on poor Private Archus."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Major Badass WideningEarth has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Major Badass WideningEarth has been defeated in the jungle by Malevolent Seventy-Headed Hellhound.
Major Badass WideningEarth sprawls unconscious on her back -- eyes shut, cheeks and forehead glistening, and jaw just slightly slack. Two Squats stand very close, rolling phlegm in their throats before they spit. There's a moist plop and one Squat tosses up his stubby arms. "Fookin' told yer, dint I!" Major Badass WideningEarth grimaces and swallows reflexively. Both Squats jeer gleefully.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Royale Badass with Cheese PollyKarpik has been defeated in the wild by Malfunctioning Rice Cooker.
Hundreds of fluttering National Geographics cluster around the mangled body of Royale Badass with Cheese PollyKarpik in a peaceful jungle clearing.
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Galactose halo has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
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Major Badass WideningEarth has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Your Future Self.
Corporal Punishment leans over Major Badass WideningEarth. Tendons in his neck positively bulge as he shouts. "On your FEET, conTEStant, one mustn't be DAUNTED by an EMPTIED HEALTH GAUGE -- it could be much WORSE, you could forced to RESUME the GAME from LEVEL ONE, not unlike playing the role of a PLUMBER without adequate SAVE CREDITS in a certain CLASSIC VIDEO GAME!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Major Badass WideningEarth has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Cage Door.
Major Badass WideningEarth whoops, punchdrunk, as she staggers out of an impact crater. "No!" she shouts after a retreating Cage Door, "that was effin ace! Bloody brilliant! Come back, I want you to hit me in the face again with your wild swinging, I LIKED IT! Needle-licker!"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Galactose halo has been defeated in the jungle by Angry Squat.
Galactose halo peeks from behind her fingers as a Angry Squat viciously shakes her Nudity. "That's.. that's new -- no! No, don't do --" The Angry Squat drops the Nudity and snatches for Galactose halo's Fists. There's an audible crunch as the Fists disappears into the Angry Squat's Improbable maw. "That," she says, slumping.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Major Badass WideningEarth has been defeated in the Proving Grounds by Paradox.
Tomorrow's Enquirer headline reads LOCAL MONSTER IN CRITICAL CONDITION AFTER ASSAULT BY RAMPAGING CONTESTANT: Network Officials advise Paradoxs to be on the look-out for Major Badass WideningEarth, full story on B12.
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Galactose halo has been returned to the mainland by The Watcher.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Major Badass WideningEarth has been defeated in the jungle by Squat from the Train Station.
Tomorrow's Enquirer headline reads LOCAL MONSTER IN CRITICAL CONDITION AFTER ASSAULT BY RAMPAGING CONTESTANT: Network Officials advise Squat from the Train Stations to be on the look-out for Major Badass WideningEarth, full story on B12.
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Current game time:
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1h, 29m, 45s





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